Post by Madeline Lavell on Feb 21, 2010 14:52:25 GMT -5
I look now to this world only new here myself. I am told I have never been here before, that I am an infant here yet everything I see I have seen before. Perhaps in another life and in another time and yet it feels so much like home. I am trapped between feeling like myself and feeling like someone I know if long dead. If I was once someone else, someone human am I still her now or am I someone different? I don't understand they tell us we will remember nothing of life before this but I feel I do, I feel I have held onto some painful secret so tightly that even death could not remove the name of someone I loved so much from my mind.
It hurts like a dagger in my heart, why do I remember blood stained hands and your fading face flickering like candlelight in the back of my mind? How am I, this nameless creature in the crypt? What was my real name if ever I had one? Madeline, I feel I was this woman but that now I am more creature then woman. These white wings and this urge to hunt and protect drive me to insanity. I am unseen in the human world, hundreds of faces turn away from me as I pass by in the streets.
I do not look like them, they seem so dull in my eyes like grey forms moving along the streets and yet despite myself being so bright they don't even see me. They wear strange clothes...or am I the one who wears such strange things? I am an alien in their world and yet it is as much my home as theirs. What are we, these angels, do others feel the way I feel? Am I alone in this emotion that we are told we would not have? Will I be destroyed for holding onto my past, the past I don't even know I have?
We are solitary beings yet I wish to be in a group, I wish to touch the wings of other angels and feel their feathers against my face to know they are real, to know I am real. I want to hold my body close to theirs and feel their warmth and wish I could feel their life when I know we have no life. We face a horrible face that can make us fade into decay. We are all dead; our lives are over in this mortal world. I feel so dammed sometimes and I wonder, do the damned feel like us or do they revel in their new lives, their new sensations? This comes to my mind and I wonder, who is truly the one being punished, who of the two is really cursed, who is truly damned to suffer? I think it is us more then them, so why punish the pure? I don't understand, someone help me understand.
It hurts like a dagger in my heart, why do I remember blood stained hands and your fading face flickering like candlelight in the back of my mind? How am I, this nameless creature in the crypt? What was my real name if ever I had one? Madeline, I feel I was this woman but that now I am more creature then woman. These white wings and this urge to hunt and protect drive me to insanity. I am unseen in the human world, hundreds of faces turn away from me as I pass by in the streets.
I do not look like them, they seem so dull in my eyes like grey forms moving along the streets and yet despite myself being so bright they don't even see me. They wear strange clothes...or am I the one who wears such strange things? I am an alien in their world and yet it is as much my home as theirs. What are we, these angels, do others feel the way I feel? Am I alone in this emotion that we are told we would not have? Will I be destroyed for holding onto my past, the past I don't even know I have?
We are solitary beings yet I wish to be in a group, I wish to touch the wings of other angels and feel their feathers against my face to know they are real, to know I am real. I want to hold my body close to theirs and feel their warmth and wish I could feel their life when I know we have no life. We face a horrible face that can make us fade into decay. We are all dead; our lives are over in this mortal world. I feel so dammed sometimes and I wonder, do the damned feel like us or do they revel in their new lives, their new sensations? This comes to my mind and I wonder, who is truly the one being punished, who of the two is really cursed, who is truly damned to suffer? I think it is us more then them, so why punish the pure? I don't understand, someone help me understand.